I know that most of the Mother's out there try really hard to accept what their children have inherited. They try to cope and work to help their children. We talk to people, we ask for help and are always seeking a new and better way to help teach our children to become independent and get the education they truly deserve. During these times patience is almost never there but always required. I know that it can be a long hard road, and sometimes you sit back and say "I'm going to quit", the system has beat me. I'm here to tell you that all your hard work and patience will pay off in the end. It pays to persevere.
Probably the most tedious and painful trip is advocacy in school and working with the school system. This is a troubling avenue. On one hand the system tells you that your child cannot keep up, or conform to the ways of the system, yet they put you on a 504 program and bill the state and federal government for assistance in the areas your child needs. After periods of time, when the school system cannot comply, you go to take action. I'm the first person to tell you to DEFINITELY get an advocate, whether you go to the State or hire your own. This is the best investment you can give your child. These people know the laws, they understand what is going on or what needs to be going on. These people are quite insightful and fight for your child. I will admit I thought I was a good advocate for my children, and I think I am, but the advocate I hired was great! I was basically always there to confirm what she recommended. Yes, your child needs more, yes it should be part of the local system, and yes you will fight for your child's rights.
The next step is if the system is educated in the issues your child has. The beginning is good but you don't see anything better happening. They seem to be pushing your child along. You bring this to school's attention and they "fluff" you off saying it takes time. Bring the advocate in again!!!! The key to having your child taught differently is that they can actually learn from the teacher. They can only learn if the teacher is trained in this field.
Believe me it's a long journey but perseverance does pay off. It takes a lot of fighting, such a shame since we all want the same goal, educating children in a different way so they learn. Once they fine tune what your child needs, now they will come home and you will see a difference. They will be happier.
I had to make a big decision to put my son in private school. It was a tough call and I wonder if I made the right call, but three years later, the child is happy, educated and adjusted. He is happy where he is, has friends of all ages, no bullying, no labels.
This is a time when all my perseverance did pay off.
Thursday, June 2, 2016
Thursday, April 21, 2016
Patience
As I am a total advocate of pursuing the correct legal person to help in attaining the support children need in school, there also come a lot of patience that is involved. In my mind everything has rules. There are rules that we must follow in order to attain the goals we are striving for, in the case of my son, the goal is to get him an the education he requires and for that education to be taught to him in the way he can comprehend. Most of the time if we do not monitor this ourselves and leave it in the hands of teachers that are not versed in the disability our child has, we waste very valuable time for our children. So as you are aware, my choice to put my son in a school where they can teach him the way he needs. In doing this I must go by the rules of getting reimbursement from the child's school system. So why is it that I play by the rules and they don't? Why is it that I do what the State requires but the school system breaks all those rules and doesn't get reprimanded for it? The State has dates, times and regulations, if I do not follow, my attorney gets reprimanded, but if the school doesn't abide by the rules do they get penalized? No I do. I had a mediation scheduled for December it was cancelled (word to the wise, they are always canceled in December) and was to be rescheduled in early 2016. Really, the system had 45 days to answer my attorney, okay it was March before anyone even got back to my attorney. For me, patient as I am, the school year is almost gone and no payment, As many people are aware, private schools for our children with learning disabilities are expansive. We are a normal ordinary family that both parents work. It seems like half the time I work for my children's education,but I guess that's what we do. The only gratification I receive is that my son is healthy and doing very well. He is well adjusted and learning at a very healthy pace. This helps pass the time and helps me gain more patience. I do have a date for mediation, it's 2 months away, just in time to start new litigation for the next years school. A vicious cycle. Patience thank goodness it's what Mom's are made of!!!! I hope this time around it becomes worth it!
Thursday, March 3, 2016
A Mother Always Transitioning ...
I think the major misconception of being a Mother is that the most difficult and sacrificing time we have is when our children are little. By little I will clarify under 18 years of age. Now for most Mother's this could be quite true but for Mom's of children with disabilities, this becomes more difficult. Transitioning to adulthood, have more people criticize, adjusting to more complex ideas and ways to work in the system.
Now that my son is 14 years of age, 5'7" he appears to be older than he is. This goes without saying that children physically go through a huge transition and the lag behind is the emotional and mature self. Even though normal children ( we need society to really reclassify normal) chronological and physical age is not that far off, but in learning disabled children the gap is far more. Both of my children have ADD and ADHD, emotionally they are both 3 years behind their age. This is very evident and difficult for outsides to understand and a lot of times I have to remind family members that this happens. So my son is 14 but he's thinking patterns are more on the 11 year old spectrum. Although he has a very high IQ and can work with his actual grade level and higher, emotionally it's different. We just went to his psychiatrist, which we love, Now he goes in by himself and talks, then I go in. The psychiatrist asked him if he knew why he came to him. He very slowly said no, okay not a problem, a very simple answer. This doctor is the professional that can dispense the medication you need and really identify your issues. The doctor proceeds to ask him if he has encountered any issues at school, he tells him some minor issues and then the doctors asks him are there any things that bother you at school that you wonder about? His answer was really interesting, Yes, why do you think I have friends that are younger than I? The doctor said does it really bother you that much? My son replied, no not really. The doctor responded by saying, then if it doesn't bother you forget it. These are your friends, enjoy them. This is his emotional side coming through. Documented material on ADD and ADHD states that at the age of 25 the emotional and chronological merge and there is not any real difference. The brain stops growing, not developing, growing. My son is in a safe environment, we feel that smaller is better for him. The public school system is way to vast for him, in better terms overwhelming.
I encounter this with my daughter also, she is 19 and really is thinking like a 16 year old. Although I can see that maturity level starting to get closer. Although her decisions are quiet impulsive, there is some thought put into them, not enough but getting there. Maturity is starting to be visible, and responsibility is coming out. My daughter placed herself in a new situation where she has to comply to change as she eloped and now has to deal with the decisions she has made. These are not decisions we are pleased with BUT, he commitment and perseverance to them is quite astounding. These lessons we could not give her and she must master on her own. The hardest thing I've had to acknowledge is that this is her journey, I've supplied the tools, now it's her show. She must see if the tools I gave her are enough, and how does she use them.
Both my children are getting older, I have been told that I have to let go. Hmmmm we've been their protectors, advocates and their teachers, I guess I'll always be a mother transitioning.
Now that my son is 14 years of age, 5'7" he appears to be older than he is. This goes without saying that children physically go through a huge transition and the lag behind is the emotional and mature self. Even though normal children ( we need society to really reclassify normal) chronological and physical age is not that far off, but in learning disabled children the gap is far more. Both of my children have ADD and ADHD, emotionally they are both 3 years behind their age. This is very evident and difficult for outsides to understand and a lot of times I have to remind family members that this happens. So my son is 14 but he's thinking patterns are more on the 11 year old spectrum. Although he has a very high IQ and can work with his actual grade level and higher, emotionally it's different. We just went to his psychiatrist, which we love, Now he goes in by himself and talks, then I go in. The psychiatrist asked him if he knew why he came to him. He very slowly said no, okay not a problem, a very simple answer. This doctor is the professional that can dispense the medication you need and really identify your issues. The doctor proceeds to ask him if he has encountered any issues at school, he tells him some minor issues and then the doctors asks him are there any things that bother you at school that you wonder about? His answer was really interesting, Yes, why do you think I have friends that are younger than I? The doctor said does it really bother you that much? My son replied, no not really. The doctor responded by saying, then if it doesn't bother you forget it. These are your friends, enjoy them. This is his emotional side coming through. Documented material on ADD and ADHD states that at the age of 25 the emotional and chronological merge and there is not any real difference. The brain stops growing, not developing, growing. My son is in a safe environment, we feel that smaller is better for him. The public school system is way to vast for him, in better terms overwhelming.
I encounter this with my daughter also, she is 19 and really is thinking like a 16 year old. Although I can see that maturity level starting to get closer. Although her decisions are quiet impulsive, there is some thought put into them, not enough but getting there. Maturity is starting to be visible, and responsibility is coming out. My daughter placed herself in a new situation where she has to comply to change as she eloped and now has to deal with the decisions she has made. These are not decisions we are pleased with BUT, he commitment and perseverance to them is quite astounding. These lessons we could not give her and she must master on her own. The hardest thing I've had to acknowledge is that this is her journey, I've supplied the tools, now it's her show. She must see if the tools I gave her are enough, and how does she use them.
Both my children are getting older, I have been told that I have to let go. Hmmmm we've been their protectors, advocates and their teachers, I guess I'll always be a mother transitioning.
Friday, January 22, 2016
Starting 2016
As the New Year begins I am trying to regain all the thoughts and new routines to get into. As we were supposed to have a mediation with my school district and it was cancelled, waiting for a new date, patience is not my forte, so that we can plan, I understand everyone has a backlog and my backlog incorporates money! No one ever moves fast in the beginning of the year, but I need to move on,
Anyone who has hired advocates or worked with advocates (attorneys) knows this process can be very long and arduous. Although, I seem to be a pest to these people, I do pay them up front, I need to move things along. As I have said before I am very pro-advocate. These ladies and gentlemen know their business and work to help you with your school systems and get special attention to your learning disabled child. I've been using advocates for close to 6 years now, remember I have two children with learning disabilities! So I guess I am going to be a pest to my attorney yet again, to get the state moving with the school system. My big move this year is my son going into High School. The school system we are in, the High School, embodies over 2, 000 students. The private school that my son can navigate has 300 students. The trauma he would endure to try and find classes, encounter different students (bullies) is far too high for him. For all the good work getting him to really work with his disability and really work on his socialization would go down the tubes. My husband and I are not willing to put him through this. It's like losing him to a maze of uncertainty. We have hired psychologists that can back us up on this so now we go to the fight. But the price tag for private High School jumps quite a bit, so the fight gets harder. We feel the fight is worth one human being to come out successful and be able to work in society than not.
So our fight begins.......
Anyone who has hired advocates or worked with advocates (attorneys) knows this process can be very long and arduous. Although, I seem to be a pest to these people, I do pay them up front, I need to move things along. As I have said before I am very pro-advocate. These ladies and gentlemen know their business and work to help you with your school systems and get special attention to your learning disabled child. I've been using advocates for close to 6 years now, remember I have two children with learning disabilities! So I guess I am going to be a pest to my attorney yet again, to get the state moving with the school system. My big move this year is my son going into High School. The school system we are in, the High School, embodies over 2, 000 students. The private school that my son can navigate has 300 students. The trauma he would endure to try and find classes, encounter different students (bullies) is far too high for him. For all the good work getting him to really work with his disability and really work on his socialization would go down the tubes. My husband and I are not willing to put him through this. It's like losing him to a maze of uncertainty. We have hired psychologists that can back us up on this so now we go to the fight. But the price tag for private High School jumps quite a bit, so the fight gets harder. We feel the fight is worth one human being to come out successful and be able to work in society than not.
So our fight begins.......
Monday, December 21, 2015
Another Year's End 2015
I know that I have really blogged on so many Learning Disability issues on my own kids, I guess I need to reflect on all the "unusual" incidents that have keep me writing, I must say there have been some good occurrences that I hope give guidance and optimism to other people. As I have said many times, having children with disabilities is a very difficult situation, especially learning disabilities. There really isn't a lot of documented history on what happens to children and really, nothing that gives hope for parents. Sometimes this is very discouraging, but if we write, tell each other different things that happen to our children it can lessen the feeling of disillusion.
My son was not doing well in the being of 2015, but I was determined to figure it out and help him. I am by no means, a doctor, psychiatrist or therapist, but I am his Mom and I know him. He was 13 and growing at a Teen rate. Know that with all these emotional and physical changes so changes the disabilities! He was not doing well at school, his pediatrician increased his medications, this seemed to do the trick but you know I really was not keen on this. I brought him to a psychiatrist. He was at an age where someone really knowledgeable in these drugs needed to evaluate him. I had him tested by a psychologist and had her evaluate him in school. I know this is not monetarily feasible to most, but I begged borrowed and got the money to do this. This was the best dollars I ever spent on my son. This wonderful person saw him in his classroom, talked to him and put a plan in place for him. We met with his school ( private) and they helped implement them. I cannot tell you how well he is doing. Then with the monthly trips to the psychiatrist, he has brought down his medications and he feels good. A very positive year of learning, on my part and my son's. Always question, always look for more, it's there and people will guide you.
For my daughter, I wish love, good vibrations and a hope that she can continue to do well in school and find herself. My daughter is 19, she has a year of college under her belt, but she was looking and found a person with which she married. As parents this was not our wish for her now! But this person asked her to marry him because he is in the service and was moving. The service will take care of her and give her an education, so, I'm hoping that she can find what she is looking for and still educate herself. She knows she will always need medications, she will always need a therapist, We, as parents, only hope that all the tools we gave our children, fought for our children are embedded in there brains, and at some point they pull them up and use them. My daughter is extremely strong willed, she does want to succeed, but awww that young love. We have all experienced it and it took her. My wish for her is to find the person she really is, make sure she's educated so she can always survive and look at life as a journey. A journey that is exciting and can be the greatest gift we all have. Oh yes there are up and downs, but each one of us has a journey that gets us to the pinnacle of why we are here.
I have always looked at my children's disabilities as gifts. Yes, gifts, they have to try harder, climb the mountain in a different way, but in the end those difficulties are what they teach us. They teach us that no matter what hurtle, it's not surmountable! We can do it, they will do it and prove to each of us that they have the courage we taught them to have.
Let's see what 2016 brings!
My son was not doing well in the being of 2015, but I was determined to figure it out and help him. I am by no means, a doctor, psychiatrist or therapist, but I am his Mom and I know him. He was 13 and growing at a Teen rate. Know that with all these emotional and physical changes so changes the disabilities! He was not doing well at school, his pediatrician increased his medications, this seemed to do the trick but you know I really was not keen on this. I brought him to a psychiatrist. He was at an age where someone really knowledgeable in these drugs needed to evaluate him. I had him tested by a psychologist and had her evaluate him in school. I know this is not monetarily feasible to most, but I begged borrowed and got the money to do this. This was the best dollars I ever spent on my son. This wonderful person saw him in his classroom, talked to him and put a plan in place for him. We met with his school ( private) and they helped implement them. I cannot tell you how well he is doing. Then with the monthly trips to the psychiatrist, he has brought down his medications and he feels good. A very positive year of learning, on my part and my son's. Always question, always look for more, it's there and people will guide you.
For my daughter, I wish love, good vibrations and a hope that she can continue to do well in school and find herself. My daughter is 19, she has a year of college under her belt, but she was looking and found a person with which she married. As parents this was not our wish for her now! But this person asked her to marry him because he is in the service and was moving. The service will take care of her and give her an education, so, I'm hoping that she can find what she is looking for and still educate herself. She knows she will always need medications, she will always need a therapist, We, as parents, only hope that all the tools we gave our children, fought for our children are embedded in there brains, and at some point they pull them up and use them. My daughter is extremely strong willed, she does want to succeed, but awww that young love. We have all experienced it and it took her. My wish for her is to find the person she really is, make sure she's educated so she can always survive and look at life as a journey. A journey that is exciting and can be the greatest gift we all have. Oh yes there are up and downs, but each one of us has a journey that gets us to the pinnacle of why we are here.
I have always looked at my children's disabilities as gifts. Yes, gifts, they have to try harder, climb the mountain in a different way, but in the end those difficulties are what they teach us. They teach us that no matter what hurtle, it's not surmountable! We can do it, they will do it and prove to each of us that they have the courage we taught them to have.
Let's see what 2016 brings!
Wednesday, December 9, 2015
The new journey
As all of us are preparing for big holiday season, I remind everyone that LD children always give us the biggest surprises. During the November Thanksgiving Holiday my husband and I wanted to have a quiet family vacation. My daughter is in college and we never get to travel with her. My mistake not to remember that when I was 19 there was a reason I never came home, parents! I didn't want to be with my parents! What made me think I was in a new millennium and maybe, just maybe my daughter would be different. Sincerely, nothing ever changes. I'm not going to say we had a bad time but it could have been better. We had come to the conclusion that we would travel when she was in school so that we wouldn't have to worry about where she was.
Upon coming home and bringing her back to school, I thought it was odd that she was bringing more of her clothes back than normal. No problem, we would bring back the summer clothes. We left very amicably.
On December 2nd I received a call from a very close friend, her daughter is close to my daughter. She told me that she was so sorry she had to make this call but her daughter was texted by mine that she was going to get married and low and behold, today she went and eloped. I'm not sure why I was not surprised. My husband and myself have met this young man and he was very nice. Yes he is in the Armed Forces which is next to my daughter's college. I told her not to worry I would find out what was going on and get back to her. I called my daughter and she did not want to take my call, well I called her "Mrs", nothing on the phone. I poured my husband a stiff bourbon and as he walked in the phone rang. We put my daughter on speaker phone and confronted her. Yes she eloped and was afraid to tell us. She got married because her husband was moving out and did not want to leave her. She promised that college was her high priority and she would transfer into a local college when they got settled at the destination the service sent him. She would do on line schooling until this happened. She was finishing her semester now and packing. Okay, shock, and this was not what we wanted for our 19 year old daughter. Okay, what do you do? She is legal age. She is being taken care of by the US Military, full medical, dental, medications, housing and school. I guess we couldn't complain, but this was our baby. Did her new husband understand her disability? Does he understand that you need a therapist, does he know that you take medications? Yes, he got on the phone and knew all the gory details. He wanted her to be with him so he could take care of her. Really???? How did this happen? Nothing we could do, she's legal age in our state to get married. Okay I have a son-n-law, we need to have a family pow wow. The shock was unbelievable. We were not angry at her eloping, we were worried. Is she going to be okay? How will she cope? Well after a lot of crying, concern we can to the conclusion this is not our journey anymore. My daughter had made the decision to take her journey on her own now. No more parents to influence what was going, but spreading her wings and taking the plunge. Well we all have to do it, we would have liked it to be when she finished college, but not our life or decision. The important issues are being addressed and she will have be aware of them. So on this holiday and at the end of the 2015 year, my daughter has started her new journey. My wish for her is to be cautious, think of others and work together. Wow, my daughter is married and on a journey!
Upon coming home and bringing her back to school, I thought it was odd that she was bringing more of her clothes back than normal. No problem, we would bring back the summer clothes. We left very amicably.
On December 2nd I received a call from a very close friend, her daughter is close to my daughter. She told me that she was so sorry she had to make this call but her daughter was texted by mine that she was going to get married and low and behold, today she went and eloped. I'm not sure why I was not surprised. My husband and myself have met this young man and he was very nice. Yes he is in the Armed Forces which is next to my daughter's college. I told her not to worry I would find out what was going on and get back to her. I called my daughter and she did not want to take my call, well I called her "Mrs", nothing on the phone. I poured my husband a stiff bourbon and as he walked in the phone rang. We put my daughter on speaker phone and confronted her. Yes she eloped and was afraid to tell us. She got married because her husband was moving out and did not want to leave her. She promised that college was her high priority and she would transfer into a local college when they got settled at the destination the service sent him. She would do on line schooling until this happened. She was finishing her semester now and packing. Okay, shock, and this was not what we wanted for our 19 year old daughter. Okay, what do you do? She is legal age. She is being taken care of by the US Military, full medical, dental, medications, housing and school. I guess we couldn't complain, but this was our baby. Did her new husband understand her disability? Does he understand that you need a therapist, does he know that you take medications? Yes, he got on the phone and knew all the gory details. He wanted her to be with him so he could take care of her. Really???? How did this happen? Nothing we could do, she's legal age in our state to get married. Okay I have a son-n-law, we need to have a family pow wow. The shock was unbelievable. We were not angry at her eloping, we were worried. Is she going to be okay? How will she cope? Well after a lot of crying, concern we can to the conclusion this is not our journey anymore. My daughter had made the decision to take her journey on her own now. No more parents to influence what was going, but spreading her wings and taking the plunge. Well we all have to do it, we would have liked it to be when she finished college, but not our life or decision. The important issues are being addressed and she will have be aware of them. So on this holiday and at the end of the 2015 year, my daughter has started her new journey. My wish for her is to be cautious, think of others and work together. Wow, my daughter is married and on a journey!
Tuesday, November 17, 2015
Where do I go from here?
It's been a month since I've really been able to write on my blog, not because the kids have not given me any material, heavens no. I did start a new job and have been trying to concentrate on it and not the ongoing dilemmas that happen in our family.
I had hoped that the on going issues with my daughter would subside. Through tough effort to get her a good therapist with great credentials and to get her connected to Uber for transportation, she still questions why she goes to a therapist. Why is it that the parent sees the reasoning behind this and that in the long distance future I might get a thank you. Hmm, not waiting for that. My daughter has a lot of pent up issues from her disability and school. Maybe that's my issue since we did not get her diagnosed right away. Regardless of how it happened, it happened and she now needs to get it out and resolve it, Someday she will see this will help her. College is a challenge to my daughter. She is struggling with the major she has taken and I wouldn't be surprised if she changes. Quite honestly I wasn't in line with her choice, but it was her choice. I feel she has much different strengths, but what I see and what she acknowledges are too different ideas right now. Along with the stress of school, her therapists she needs a med change. In the world of doctors this is a big struggle to get a different doctor in each location in which she lives, her home and college. The doctor in which was recommended in the area of school, doesn't like to return calls and the doctor at home has no time when she does come home. Really, how much more aggravation can one person take. It will figure out but why is it so difficult. I wish with every question I have, there would be an answer. None seem to come to mind when the issue presents itself, only down the road. Eech!
My son on the other hand is so much easier than my daughter. Much less drama. His issues are having the school system pay for his school and the constant struggle I face every year. I have had a psychologist evaluate him and he cannot go to a local school. The amount of children in the school would overwhelm him and he could not function. Actually they recommended a private LD school but I don't want him to go to boarding school. I want him to stay close in High School. This will be my legal battle with the school system that charges my an arm and a leg in taxes. I do have a good lawyer but it's still a battle. The other day I was driving home and asking myself why, why aren't my kids like everyone else's? Maybe they are and I just don't see all the issues everyone else has. So my question stands, Where do I go from here?
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