I think the major misconception of being a Mother is that the most difficult and sacrificing time we have is when our children are little. By little I will clarify under 18 years of age. Now for most Mother's this could be quite true but for Mom's of children with disabilities, this becomes more difficult. Transitioning to adulthood, have more people criticize, adjusting to more complex ideas and ways to work in the system.
Now that my son is 14 years of age, 5'7" he appears to be older than he is. This goes without saying that children physically go through a huge transition and the lag behind is the emotional and mature self. Even though normal children ( we need society to really reclassify normal) chronological and physical age is not that far off, but in learning disabled children the gap is far more. Both of my children have ADD and ADHD, emotionally they are both 3 years behind their age. This is very evident and difficult for outsides to understand and a lot of times I have to remind family members that this happens. So my son is 14 but he's thinking patterns are more on the 11 year old spectrum. Although he has a very high IQ and can work with his actual grade level and higher, emotionally it's different. We just went to his psychiatrist, which we love, Now he goes in by himself and talks, then I go in. The psychiatrist asked him if he knew why he came to him. He very slowly said no, okay not a problem, a very simple answer. This doctor is the professional that can dispense the medication you need and really identify your issues. The doctor proceeds to ask him if he has encountered any issues at school, he tells him some minor issues and then the doctors asks him are there any things that bother you at school that you wonder about? His answer was really interesting, Yes, why do you think I have friends that are younger than I? The doctor said does it really bother you that much? My son replied, no not really. The doctor responded by saying, then if it doesn't bother you forget it. These are your friends, enjoy them. This is his emotional side coming through. Documented material on ADD and ADHD states that at the age of 25 the emotional and chronological merge and there is not any real difference. The brain stops growing, not developing, growing. My son is in a safe environment, we feel that smaller is better for him. The public school system is way to vast for him, in better terms overwhelming.
I encounter this with my daughter also, she is 19 and really is thinking like a 16 year old. Although I can see that maturity level starting to get closer. Although her decisions are quiet impulsive, there is some thought put into them, not enough but getting there. Maturity is starting to be visible, and responsibility is coming out. My daughter placed herself in a new situation where she has to comply to change as she eloped and now has to deal with the decisions she has made. These are not decisions we are pleased with BUT, he commitment and perseverance to them is quite astounding. These lessons we could not give her and she must master on her own. The hardest thing I've had to acknowledge is that this is her journey, I've supplied the tools, now it's her show. She must see if the tools I gave her are enough, and how does she use them.
Both my children are getting older, I have been told that I have to let go. Hmmmm we've been their protectors, advocates and their teachers, I guess I'll always be a mother transitioning.
No comments:
Post a Comment