Monday, December 21, 2015

Another Year's End 2015

I know that I have really blogged on so many Learning Disability issues on my own kids, I guess I need to reflect on all the "unusual" incidents that have keep me writing,  I must say there have been some good occurrences that I hope give guidance and optimism to other people.  As I have said many times, having children with disabilities is a very difficult situation, especially learning disabilities.  There really isn't a lot of documented history on what happens to children and really, nothing that gives hope for parents.  Sometimes this is very discouraging, but if we write, tell each other different things that happen to our children it can lessen the feeling of disillusion.
My son was not doing well in the being of 2015, but I was determined to figure it out and help him.  I am by no means, a doctor, psychiatrist or therapist, but I am his Mom and I know him.  He was 13 and growing at a Teen rate. Know that with all these emotional and physical changes so changes the disabilities!  He was not doing well at school, his pediatrician increased his medications, this seemed to do the trick but  you know I really was not keen on this.  I brought him to a psychiatrist.  He was at an age where someone really knowledgeable in these drugs needed to evaluate him. I had him tested by a psychologist and had her evaluate him in school.  I know this is not monetarily feasible to most, but I begged borrowed and got the money to do this.  This was the best dollars I ever spent on my son.  This wonderful person saw him in his classroom, talked to him and put a plan in place for him.  We met with his school ( private) and they helped implement them.  I cannot tell you how well he is doing.  Then with the monthly trips to the psychiatrist, he has brought down his medications and he feels good.  A very positive year of learning, on my part and my son's.  Always question, always look for more, it's there and people will guide you.
For my daughter, I wish love, good vibrations and a hope that she can continue to do well in school and find herself.  My daughter is 19, she has a year of college under her belt, but she was looking and found a person with which she married.  As parents this was not our wish for her now!  But this person asked her to marry him because he is in the service and was moving.  The service will take care of her and give her an education, so, I'm hoping that she can find what she is looking for and still educate herself.  She knows she will always need medications, she will always need a therapist, We, as parents, only hope that all the tools we gave our children, fought for our children are embedded in there brains, and at some point they pull them up and use them.  My daughter is extremely strong willed, she does want to succeed, but awww that young love.  We have all experienced it and it took her.  My wish for her is to find the person she really is, make sure she's educated so she can always survive and look at life as a journey. A journey that is exciting and can be the greatest gift we all have.  Oh yes there are up and downs, but each one of us has a journey that gets us to the pinnacle of why we are here.
I have always looked at my children's disabilities as gifts.  Yes, gifts, they have to try harder, climb the mountain in a different way, but in the end those difficulties are what they teach us.  They teach us that no matter what hurtle, it's not surmountable!  We can do it, they will do it and prove to each of us that they have the courage we taught them to have.
Let's see what 2016 brings!

Wednesday, December 9, 2015

The new journey

As all of us are preparing for big holiday season, I remind everyone that LD children always give us the biggest surprises.  During the November Thanksgiving Holiday my husband and I wanted to have a quiet family vacation. My daughter is in college and we never get to travel with her.  My mistake not to remember that when I was 19 there was a reason I never came home, parents!  I didn't want to be with my parents!  What made me think I was in a new millennium and maybe, just maybe my daughter would be different.  Sincerely, nothing ever changes.  I'm not going to say we had a bad time but  it could have been better.  We had come to the conclusion that we would travel when she was in school so that we wouldn't have to worry about where she was.
Upon coming home and bringing her back to school, I thought it was odd that she was bringing more of her clothes back than normal.   No problem, we would bring back the summer clothes. We left very amicably.
On December 2nd I received a call from a very close friend, her daughter is close to my daughter.   She told me that she was so sorry she had to make this call but her daughter was texted by mine that she was going to get married and low and behold, today she went and eloped.  I'm not sure why I was not surprised.  My husband and myself have met this young man and he was very nice. Yes he is in the Armed Forces which is next to my daughter's college.  I told her not to worry I would find out what was going on and get back to her.  I called my daughter and she did not want to take my call, well I called her "Mrs", nothing on the phone.  I poured my husband a stiff bourbon and as he walked in the phone rang.  We put my daughter on speaker phone and confronted her. Yes she eloped and was afraid to tell us. She got married because her husband was moving out and did not want to leave her.  She promised that college was her high priority and she would transfer into a local college when they got settled at the destination the service sent him.  She would do on line schooling until this happened. She was finishing her semester now and packing.  Okay, shock, and this was not what we wanted for our 19 year old daughter.  Okay, what do you do?  She is legal age.  She is being taken care of by the US Military, full medical, dental, medications, housing and school.  I guess we couldn't complain, but this was our baby.  Did her new husband understand her disability?  Does he understand that you need a therapist, does he know that you take medications?  Yes, he got on the phone and knew all the gory details. He wanted her to be with him so he could take care of her.  Really???? How did this happen?  Nothing we could do, she's legal age in our state to get married. Okay I have a son-n-law, we need to have a family pow wow.  The shock was unbelievable. We were not angry at her eloping, we were worried.  Is she going to be okay? How will she cope? Well after a lot of crying, concern we can to the conclusion this is not our journey anymore.  My daughter had made the decision to take her journey on her own now.  No more parents to influence what was going, but spreading her wings and taking the plunge.  Well we all have to do it, we would have liked it to be when she finished college, but not our life or decision.  The important issues are being addressed and she will have be aware of them.  So on this holiday and at the end of the 2015 year, my daughter has started her new journey.  My wish for her is to be cautious, think of others and work together.  Wow, my daughter is married and on a journey!