Tuesday, October 21, 2014
Marching Forward
As the time passes by and your college bound child is "hopefully" working well at school. I go with the philosophy "no word is good word", your focus goes on the second child. My second child, my son, also has learning disabilities. When he was a baby, his speech was delayed. I always attributed this to the fact that my daughter babbled and she spoke for him. One day a relative called out to my son and there was no response, so automatically we assumed he has some type of autism. Not knowing a lot of his family history, my son is adopted, I started to get worried and concerned. I brought him to doctors and they referred me to birth to 3. This is a wonderful organization that helps young children progress. They come to your home and help them with motor skills and verbalizing their needs. This helped my son, but he is such an independent soul. After this program, the school system took over, because now he would have an IEP, he was entered into the preschool program to help mainstream these children. This was another great program that I had no concept on. Until you have children with needs you have no idea the programs that are really out there. I wish I had known for my daughter. As my son grew this program also evaluated him. I know that they were so set on telling me he had alot of autistic tendencies. The real issue was that my son always had eye contact with you and paid attention to you. Many autistic children don't have eye contact with you and are in "their own" world. After pre-school and because he is a December baby, we held him back. Best thing I have ever done. Onward to IEP's and evaluations, psychological evaluations to diagnose his ADHD and executive function issues. Now to concentrate on the second child, with alot of luck the first will give me this time with him!
Until next time.....
Thursday, October 2, 2014
The first month on independence
As a parent of a child with a disability, we hope and pray we make the correct decisions for our children. There comes a time when we believe we must let them go and experience on their own. There is a time when they turn "of age", this age is 18. Many of us "parents" do understand that even though they turn 18 it really means close to nothing. Children with ADD/ADHD are 3 years emotionally behind the normal 18 year old. Okay so let's put this in perspective, 3 from 18 is 15, yes, 15 years old, so your 18 year old that is supposedly legal for some things is not capable of even making a rational decision. Now let's add this to the new transition, College, independence. Whoa!!!!!! Step back, if your child is not in an environment that has checks and balances, which all colleges do not, get ready. My daughter is 17 1/2 going on 14 1/2. She has gone away to camps for a month at a time but never having to achieve these "critical" milestones, A) roommate, B) independent homework, C) food, key, we truly take this for granted, D) good or rational decision making. Luckily for my daughter, I choose a school that works with her disability. Thank you God, for giving me this forethought! I will tell you I fought tooth and nail for my daughter to go to this 5th year school. If I had put her in the environment the school system recommended, the little issues we have been encountering would be monumental. Freedom on the internet, Whoa, no 18 year old with the mentality of a 14 year old ever thought people monitor this?? Yes they do! Getting caught, I feel is the child's way of calling for help. Be very happy they are getting caught, you can adjust the behavior. Boy did my daughter get a lesson, the lesson is do what you're told, adhere to the rules or you will get cut off. Hmm, do you think that registered??? Oh yes it did. Secondly, my daughter's therapist wanted her to call when she needed her, REALITY!!!!! she needs a therapist all the time. I took the liberty to get her a therapist at college so that she can see them once a week, if she thinks something is wrong, go to them and bounce the idea off of them! This I hope is my biggest saving grace. Thirdly, I'm seeing a therapist. We, as parents, need a huge break. I feel guilt up the whazoo!!! Truly I have to let go, my daughter has to learn these life lessons, she is going to fall more than not and she has to learn. My part now is to be there to wipe the tears and give her the encouragement to continue. Some of these lessons will be huge, but I will not be there forever and she needs to learn. It makes my heart bleed, but I did the best I could and I am there. I text to her everyday, just little things, I love you, have a good day, etc.
I'm hoping that the road she is paving will be a good one, but in truth, it's hers, not mine. Those were the life lessons that lead me to her, she is the most precious gift the world has given me and I really thank God everyday. We as parents need to move on also, my life lesson, no more diapers, no more skinned knees, or can you make me dinner. These are new things for me to learn. But now the key is to let her know 18 really means nothing to a 14 year old!
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