Innocence in Transition

As I have written these blogs I wanted to give back to people who have the same situations as myself. It's not that there aren't any really qualified people out there that can help you, but it seems that when I needed some type of information that was over the top or not the norm, I had to find it. I'm certainly not complaining, God gave me this task because I could handle it and that's what I will do for my children. If you have read my blogs I don't just have one child with a learning disability, I have two. I've only written about my first, but soon it will be the second's time. His disabilities are totally different from my daughter's. As you know I've gotten my daughter as far as college, I wouldn't say monumental, but a challenge, one that was well worth the fight. Today I'm going to blog about innocence, this is for my daughter. When we raise our children we hope that we can give them all the information they need to move on. Move to a new independent life, there are things that we cannot tell or explain. Before my daughter went to college I truly tried to explain, sex, birth control, date rape drugs, but the experience is what they strive for, this parents cannot give them. My daughter is very petite and beautiful, she has a very asian look to her. My daughter has Non Verbal Learning disability, she is very innocent and naive. She did have some transitional issues the first two weeks of school, but I expected these. At 17 I'm not confident she can navigate totally on her own yet, but she must start. The telephone call on the third week was one I never thought I would get. She was sexually assaulted/raped on campus. Truly a telephone call I don't wish on anyone. She called me with her RA, and the support from the college. Helpless on the telephone, these people assured me that my daughter was safe, got in touch with the correct people immediately and the police. She seemed relatively calm, and in control. Of course she did go to the boys room on her own, the rest got out of hand. She went to the hospital, had all her testing and was going to rest. I spoke to the counselor at the school and she said my daughter knew she did wrong by going to the boys room but No is No and the boy did not respect this. School security saw both of them together all day so the story was correct. Trying to compose myself I tried to rationalize the situation. She was safe, in good care, I needed to see her, but at this time she needed time. I called the police station and not surprisingly they would not give me information I would have to ask my daughter. I called her therapist and what I did not know is that the statistics say 1 out of 4 girls are assaulted in college. This is a statistic only relating to the girls who tell. This school deals with my daughters disability so the boy probably had the same disability. Two lives to take a drastic turn. I had to rationalize my feelings to do the best I could for my daughter. I asked to come see her, she wanted time. After a day I told her that her father and I were coming to see her because I needed to hug her and tell her life is not bad and this has to be turned around. She consented to see us. When I told my husband he flew off the handle, his baby! We went to see her, in three weeks this child grew up, she wasn't my baby anymore, she was an adult, carried herself with confidence, and sorrow. Tears, hugs and love were definitely needed. Our conversations were based on forgiveness, not ruining anyone's lives with anger, and moving on. The recommendation was to help others that have gone through this same experience. Giving back is always a healing treatment. My daughter has a lot to give, this could be a good avenue, hopefully she will act on this. Nothing will ever give her back what she lost BUT with our love and help she can move on. Sometimes God works in very difficult ways, I'm hoping that this can help her. We are a close family and we will get through this personal tragedy together. Disabilities are difficult but ALWAYS workable!

Leaving for College

It's been awhile since I have written, August was a very emotional month for me. My daughter made her way to college. A month's worth of preparation, not the packing or shopping but the important issues that parents with learning disabled children really care about: medication, doctor calls, support systems, roommates, money allocations, to name a few. The magnitude of appointments, schedules is mind boggling. Then packing!!! This truly is a trial, trying to explain to my daughter that she doesn't need to bring her entire wardrobe, yeah I know! So some recommendations from a first time Mom that have really been good; A) have a debit card that is attached to your checking account; My daughter's checking account is attached to mine. I can see all the money that comes and goes! She is not aware of this. I see all the purchases and I made another account that has all her money in it, I transfer when she needs it. Believe me the first week was a disaster. She thought the well was endless until I told her that she only had $200 left for the next couple of months! Reality check! B) I gave my daughter a diary, but in this diary was important business cards: ie: therapist, medical insurance, my email address, telephone numbers for emergency calls. I put laundry instructions, one section is designated for money, yes money, starting balance and she needs to substract each withdrawal to keep up with what she has. I told her, it's very embarrassing when you use that card and there is no money there!!!! One place for everything! It works. Then off to the destination, I promised myself I would not cry. My daughter was lucky enough to have other friends attending this school so she knew people. This helps, but she did not know her roommate. We moved her in with the help from some other friends, set up the tv, internet, made the bed, put the clothes away and then, "Mom you can leave now!". Wow where did that time go. The emotional goodbyes, the please be good, use your good judgement, and we were gone! I remember the day I picked her up from the adoption agency, small tiny, 18 years ago, my baby! But I must let go, she has to learn on her own and face all the hurtles we all went through. We went to have lunch with my son and then home. I went home and scoured that room! She was on a new adventure in her life, my was about to start by cleaning, and painting her room. The dogs walk by and miss her! Quite an adjustment. So you might think they have gone, out of site out of mind, heavens no! Let's see after one week of one line texts and no phone calls, we called! "How are you?" Good do I have enough money in my account? How much did you spend? Did you start subtracting in your book? If not, you better!!!! And she sounds good. I was also informed the other day by my daughter that she changed rooms and roommate. Okay so no one from the school called me so I guess it's okay and she said the RA's said okay, hey she has to live there not me! I do remember when I went to college and I was not happy with my roommate but I endured. After I found that out all I texted her was Be happy, I love you! What else is there to say. I asked to come up and see her and she responded I have homework and a paper due, maybe another time. Okay, well I'm coming up for parents day so live with it!!!!! It's only been 3 weeks but I am beginning to think this is a good fit for her school wise. I know this is just the beginning of what I hope to be a good experience for her. She never had this at High School, my husband and my wish was that she could really have these people know my daughter and she could make lifelong friends. Who knows we still have 8 more months to go! We have our fingers crossed!!!!! Until next time.......