As 2014 comes to an end, I feel that I should count my blessings with my children. I know that I started to blog about my children's disabilities and it sounds so sad at points, but looking back on the year, I see that my children have grown. Although the stress for my daughter in starting college has been monumental, I did expect issues, maybe not to this extent but I was not totally surprised. I find that with each day the light shines brighter! My daughter has been home for 2 weeks now and the family influence really does calm her down. She does miss school but her confidence and self esteem exudes at home. We can talk to her about her final goals for the second semester. To our surprise she rebounded well on her grades on the first semester and she is encouraged by this. We are hoping that she even progresses more, but as we are all aware this is a process. As far as my younger son, he is now 13 years old, he has been enrolled in his art school for the winter-spring semester and is enrolled in a social program at at a local center. My husband and I are totally encouraged by this. He is doing well at his school and with the increased medications he is on, he really is thriving. New steps, new issues and new developments are bound to happen and we just have to roll with the punches! I am encouraged for 2015. The New Year will bring a new part of me that will unravel, the "letting go" process. Now that my daughter is 18 years old, this will be a difficult process and I am aware of it. We all want our children to thrive and succeed, but now it's her turn to take the reigns. We'll see how this goes during the year. I am hoping for good things in 2015... see you then!~

Marching Forward

As the time passes by and your college bound child is "hopefully" working well at school. I go with the philosophy "no word is good word", your focus goes on the second child. My second child, my son, also has learning disabilities. When he was a baby, his speech was delayed. I always attributed this to the fact that my daughter babbled and she spoke for him. One day a relative called out to my son and there was no response, so automatically we assumed he has some type of autism. Not knowing a lot of his family history, my son is adopted, I started to get worried and concerned. I brought him to doctors and they referred me to birth to 3. This is a wonderful organization that helps young children progress. They come to your home and help them with motor skills and verbalizing their needs. This helped my son, but he is such an independent soul. After this program, the school system took over, because now he would have an IEP, he was entered into the preschool program to help mainstream these children. This was another great program that I had no concept on. Until you have children with needs you have no idea the programs that are really out there. I wish I had known for my daughter. As my son grew this program also evaluated him. I know that they were so set on telling me he had alot of autistic tendencies. The real issue was that my son always had eye contact with you and paid attention to you. Many autistic children don't have eye contact with you and are in "their own" world. After pre-school and because he is a December baby, we held him back. Best thing I have ever done. Onward to IEP's and evaluations, psychological evaluations to diagnose his ADHD and executive function issues. Now to concentrate on the second child, with alot of luck the first will give me this time with him! Until next time.....

The first month on independence

As a parent of a child with a disability, we hope and pray we make the correct decisions for our children. There comes a time when we believe we must let them go and experience on their own. There is a time when they turn "of age", this age is 18. Many of us "parents" do understand that even though they turn 18 it really means close to nothing. Children with ADD/ADHD are 3 years emotionally behind the normal 18 year old. Okay so let's put this in perspective, 3 from 18 is 15, yes, 15 years old, so your 18 year old that is supposedly legal for some things is not capable of even making a rational decision. Now let's add this to the new transition, College, independence. Whoa!!!!!! Step back, if your child is not in an environment that has checks and balances, which all colleges do not, get ready. My daughter is 17 1/2 going on 14 1/2. She has gone away to camps for a month at a time but never having to achieve these "critical" milestones, A) roommate, B) independent homework, C) food, key, we truly take this for granted, D) good or rational decision making. Luckily for my daughter, I choose a school that works with her disability. Thank you God, for giving me this forethought! I will tell you I fought tooth and nail for my daughter to go to this 5th year school. If I had put her in the environment the school system recommended, the little issues we have been encountering would be monumental. Freedom on the internet, Whoa, no 18 year old with the mentality of a 14 year old ever thought people monitor this?? Yes they do! Getting caught, I feel is the child's way of calling for help. Be very happy they are getting caught, you can adjust the behavior. Boy did my daughter get a lesson, the lesson is do what you're told, adhere to the rules or you will get cut off. Hmm, do you think that registered??? Oh yes it did. Secondly, my daughter's therapist wanted her to call when she needed her, REALITY!!!!! she needs a therapist all the time. I took the liberty to get her a therapist at college so that she can see them once a week, if she thinks something is wrong, go to them and bounce the idea off of them! This I hope is my biggest saving grace. Thirdly, I'm seeing a therapist. We, as parents, need a huge break. I feel guilt up the whazoo!!! Truly I have to let go, my daughter has to learn these life lessons, she is going to fall more than not and she has to learn. My part now is to be there to wipe the tears and give her the encouragement to continue. Some of these lessons will be huge, but I will not be there forever and she needs to learn. It makes my heart bleed, but I did the best I could and I am there. I text to her everyday, just little things, I love you, have a good day, etc. I'm hoping that the road she is paving will be a good one, but in truth, it's hers, not mine. Those were the life lessons that lead me to her, she is the most precious gift the world has given me and I really thank God everyday. We as parents need to move on also, my life lesson, no more diapers, no more skinned knees, or can you make me dinner. These are new things for me to learn. But now the key is to let her know 18 really means nothing to a 14 year old!

Innocence in Transition

As I have written these blogs I wanted to give back to people who have the same situations as myself. It's not that there aren't any really qualified people out there that can help you, but it seems that when I needed some type of information that was over the top or not the norm, I had to find it. I'm certainly not complaining, God gave me this task because I could handle it and that's what I will do for my children. If you have read my blogs I don't just have one child with a learning disability, I have two. I've only written about my first, but soon it will be the second's time. His disabilities are totally different from my daughter's. As you know I've gotten my daughter as far as college, I wouldn't say monumental, but a challenge, one that was well worth the fight. Today I'm going to blog about innocence, this is for my daughter. When we raise our children we hope that we can give them all the information they need to move on. Move to a new independent life, there are things that we cannot tell or explain. Before my daughter went to college I truly tried to explain, sex, birth control, date rape drugs, but the experience is what they strive for, this parents cannot give them. My daughter is very petite and beautiful, she has a very asian look to her. My daughter has Non Verbal Learning disability, she is very innocent and naive. She did have some transitional issues the first two weeks of school, but I expected these. At 17 I'm not confident she can navigate totally on her own yet, but she must start. The telephone call on the third week was one I never thought I would get. She was sexually assaulted/raped on campus. Truly a telephone call I don't wish on anyone. She called me with her RA, and the support from the college. Helpless on the telephone, these people assured me that my daughter was safe, got in touch with the correct people immediately and the police. She seemed relatively calm, and in control. Of course she did go to the boys room on her own, the rest got out of hand. She went to the hospital, had all her testing and was going to rest. I spoke to the counselor at the school and she said my daughter knew she did wrong by going to the boys room but No is No and the boy did not respect this. School security saw both of them together all day so the story was correct. Trying to compose myself I tried to rationalize the situation. She was safe, in good care, I needed to see her, but at this time she needed time. I called the police station and not surprisingly they would not give me information I would have to ask my daughter. I called her therapist and what I did not know is that the statistics say 1 out of 4 girls are assaulted in college. This is a statistic only relating to the girls who tell. This school deals with my daughters disability so the boy probably had the same disability. Two lives to take a drastic turn. I had to rationalize my feelings to do the best I could for my daughter. I asked to come see her, she wanted time. After a day I told her that her father and I were coming to see her because I needed to hug her and tell her life is not bad and this has to be turned around. She consented to see us. When I told my husband he flew off the handle, his baby! We went to see her, in three weeks this child grew up, she wasn't my baby anymore, she was an adult, carried herself with confidence, and sorrow. Tears, hugs and love were definitely needed. Our conversations were based on forgiveness, not ruining anyone's lives with anger, and moving on. The recommendation was to help others that have gone through this same experience. Giving back is always a healing treatment. My daughter has a lot to give, this could be a good avenue, hopefully she will act on this. Nothing will ever give her back what she lost BUT with our love and help she can move on. Sometimes God works in very difficult ways, I'm hoping that this can help her. We are a close family and we will get through this personal tragedy together. Disabilities are difficult but ALWAYS workable!

Leaving for College

It's been awhile since I have written, August was a very emotional month for me. My daughter made her way to college. A month's worth of preparation, not the packing or shopping but the important issues that parents with learning disabled children really care about: medication, doctor calls, support systems, roommates, money allocations, to name a few. The magnitude of appointments, schedules is mind boggling. Then packing!!! This truly is a trial, trying to explain to my daughter that she doesn't need to bring her entire wardrobe, yeah I know! So some recommendations from a first time Mom that have really been good; A) have a debit card that is attached to your checking account; My daughter's checking account is attached to mine. I can see all the money that comes and goes! She is not aware of this. I see all the purchases and I made another account that has all her money in it, I transfer when she needs it. Believe me the first week was a disaster. She thought the well was endless until I told her that she only had $200 left for the next couple of months! Reality check! B) I gave my daughter a diary, but in this diary was important business cards: ie: therapist, medical insurance, my email address, telephone numbers for emergency calls. I put laundry instructions, one section is designated for money, yes money, starting balance and she needs to substract each withdrawal to keep up with what she has. I told her, it's very embarrassing when you use that card and there is no money there!!!! One place for everything! It works. Then off to the destination, I promised myself I would not cry. My daughter was lucky enough to have other friends attending this school so she knew people. This helps, but she did not know her roommate. We moved her in with the help from some other friends, set up the tv, internet, made the bed, put the clothes away and then, "Mom you can leave now!". Wow where did that time go. The emotional goodbyes, the please be good, use your good judgement, and we were gone! I remember the day I picked her up from the adoption agency, small tiny, 18 years ago, my baby! But I must let go, she has to learn on her own and face all the hurtles we all went through. We went to have lunch with my son and then home. I went home and scoured that room! She was on a new adventure in her life, my was about to start by cleaning, and painting her room. The dogs walk by and miss her! Quite an adjustment. So you might think they have gone, out of site out of mind, heavens no! Let's see after one week of one line texts and no phone calls, we called! "How are you?" Good do I have enough money in my account? How much did you spend? Did you start subtracting in your book? If not, you better!!!! And she sounds good. I was also informed the other day by my daughter that she changed rooms and roommate. Okay so no one from the school called me so I guess it's okay and she said the RA's said okay, hey she has to live there not me! I do remember when I went to college and I was not happy with my roommate but I endured. After I found that out all I texted her was Be happy, I love you! What else is there to say. I asked to come up and see her and she responded I have homework and a paper due, maybe another time. Okay, well I'm coming up for parents day so live with it!!!!! It's only been 3 weeks but I am beginning to think this is a good fit for her school wise. I know this is just the beginning of what I hope to be a good experience for her. She never had this at High School, my husband and my wish was that she could really have these people know my daughter and she could make lifelong friends. Who knows we still have 8 more months to go! We have our fingers crossed!!!!! Until next time.......

It's coming to the time when I have to acknowledge that I must extend the strings of attachment to my daughter. With all the challenges, changes, and some maturity that have happened to her, she will be leaving us to go to college. It is so tough for parents of a learning disabled child. This summer has taught me how I must hand over responsibility to her, she has to make the decisions of how to proceed. My daughter got a summer job as a camp counselor at a camp she and my son have gone to for many years. Although her psychiatrist recommended that she take the summer off, she wanted this job. She went in headfirst, this is a good thing but to a learning disabled child who is impetuous it can be very challenging. We had some difficult times, learning how to focus on the children, having patience, and obeying the rules. There were times as a parent I wanted to intervene BUT, I stayed out of it. I let my daughter navigate with the Directors and believe me not all the results were positive. It came a time when she had to let them know she had a disability. Which brings me to a very big question no one can answer "When do you tell a potential employer if you have a disability?" Do you tell in the beginning and they discriminate? Do you not tell and when issues arise, you then bring it to the forefront? No one can give you an answer to this. It's a hit or miss situation. Not what anyone wants to hear but there are no answers. In the issue of my daughter, she hit some challenging times in this job, she worked for 5 weeks and had two off. They said they would call her back when they have more children, hopefully this is true and not an avoidance, but regardless there is a learning lesson. Every job is a learning lesson, hopefully my daughter will someday realize that this was a valuable one. She did have the opportunity so I look at this as very positive. There are no right and wrong answers for our children, we have to go with what we feel would be the best until they can make these decisions, which is very difficult to let go of. So as a parent, I have to extend my strings, hope that the tools I have given her she will remember. Hope that she calls when she truly cannot navigate and focus on what is important. Now I have my daughter going to a college that deals with children and her specific disability so I'm hoping the environment will help her understand she is not alone. Hopefully she will see that they all can work together to deal with what God has given them. I truly believe this will be a positive. I know I'll get the phone calls, I am anticipating getting them. This will lead to our next journey, which I hope will be a great one for her. Along with greatness comes a lot of heartache and disappointments, but I'm looking at her to triumph. Until next time...

I remember when I was so desperately trying to have children and we finally were chosen by birth parents to get my daughter, the words the social worker said to me " Children are a gift from God but for only a short time, they grow and then we have to let them go." As I sat at my daughter's high school graduation last week, the tears streaming down my face in happiness. I saw this little 5lb girl grow up, handle all the adversities God put in her way, and now she was in this beautiful white graduation gown holding a red rose and walking down to end the years in this school system. I was so proud, that for a moment it wiped away all the heartache of her disability. For this time she was just like every other child that was graduating high school. She had a smile, and was so relieved to end, what has been, the most difficult years of her life. On this special day my daughter had quite a lot happen. She went to her senior breakfast, had a quick rehearsal for graduation, received a call that she got a job as a camp counselor in a local camp and had to submit all her paperwork and on the way home got a flat tire. Before she got dressed, I was painting her toes and she broke down. "Mom I'm scared, do you think I can handle being a camp counselor, do you think I am going to do okay at college? Do you think everyone will accept me?" Wow, so much for one small girl to handle in one day. I looked at her very calmly and said "Calm down, take two deep breaths!" First I told her, you are going to do your best at working as a counselor and if it doesn't work out, you quit. Second, college is your new beginning, fresh, you will be with kids that have the same disability as yourself, and third be yourself, you are a great young lady, be the girl you really are! The tears disappeared I gave her one of her pills to calm her down and told her to take a nap before graduation. The child that emerged was this confident girl that ended the 12 years of school. It goes fast, too fast. There are times when issues with the teachers, learning, aides and seeing the school's telephone number on my caller id would just turn my stomach. What happens now. Now a new chapter emerges, going away to school, making decisions on her own. My husband and I are trying to be real, yes, we expect some trauma, and hearing from the new school. My daughter's disability encompasses difficulty in transition, so we are preparing ourselves, we could be pleasantly surprised but I doubt it. I'm being realistic. Two days later we had my daughters graduation party. As a child with NVLD and ADD my daughter does not have a wide scope of friends. Most of them have the same or similar disabilities. I was so pleased when 5 of her friends came to her party. She was so proud and introduced each one to everyone. She had a great time, but the one thing that was so impactful to me was this. One young lady came to her party, she was so happy that my daughter invited her to this party. She said "You know no one ever invites me to their parties because I have ADHD, and I am having such a good time!, Your daughter has been a really good friend to me!". This was so important to me because this is how my daughter was, no one invited her anywhere because she didn't fit in, but she overcame this stigma and made friends with children like herself. She found the people who were worth being friends with and turned it around. If she can keep this philosophy throughout college and life, I truly believe she can have a good life. Understanding, the disability, knowing it's going to be with you for the rest of your life and working with it are the keys for these children. I've always stressed to my children, everyone else is different, you are special and never forget it! God made you this way to learn, you have a special purpose in life, the hard part is to find what it is. As parents we are the ones who have to guide them to this purpose. It's tough, we live it every day, sometimes we cry and other days you say, they did it, they actually did it. Until next time!

I've been slightly remiss in adding to my blog, the ending of a child's or maybe I should preface this with the "young adult" high school years is quite overwhelming for parents. I can hardly imagine what it is for these children. As I close on the 12 years of schooling my child has encountered, I remember all the trying and difficult times that we have gone through and how she has dealt with anger, disappointment, self-learning, finding her real self with assistance, and really achieving after long hard work. In life of a child, school is totally monitored by the teachers, they comment on what they see, advise an how they feel a child should learn, and you as a parent either agree or disagree and look for the correctness (if this is a word) of what the child needs. Being the parent of a special needs child we always wonder, "Did I do the best I could?", Is she going to carry all the things she has learned on to the next step?" "Are they mature enough to understand that medication is always going to be part of their lives?" "Can they cope outside of all the support they have gotten in school?". Believe me these questions all have been crossing my mind in the last 30 days. My daughter seems to be on a healthy path, she has demonstrated that she is maturing, there is plenty of room for growth, how will she be on her own? I have found that it is a scary path, but it is time that all the training, parental conversations, and guidance I have given must prove itself, and I must let go. The letting go and trusting judgement in every child is difficult regardless if you have a special needs child or not, but the parent of a special needs child has it hard. We HOPE, and I emphasize the word HOPE that my child remembers that the medication she is on is for her benefit, not the drug manufacturers! I hope she realizes that alone mistakes have HUGE consequences being away from home, and that teachers are not going to hover over her and tell her what to do. I have to hope and pray that all the lessons that I have taught her, her support groups have told her and her therapist has reiterated to her, have passed on to the part of the brain to REMEMBER!!! One last item I must share. My daughter has chosen a very good college that deals with her disability, we are very pleased. She had her orientation, an overnight stay. In these two days she would meet students that will become a very important part of her life next year. When she came home she told me that she met a friend she went to camp with, and a friend from High School was there. I asked her if she picked a roommate and she said " You know Mom the girls were all drama queens and talked about drugs, I found my friend from camp and two of his friends and we hung out and were known on campus as the Four Musketeers!" I know I am going to like school and to hang out with them." Part of me was concerned but part of me was very proud! My daughter was able to distinguish between what was good for her and not! I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this is a path she continues on and keeps flourishing on it.

Coming to the end of the school year, I have to write a post that really comes from my heart. For all the year's that I have advocated, guided, controlled, and most importantly, helped my daughter in school and life, we come to the end of her high school years. I have tried to write about all the issues that I feel people should know about, how I dealt with them, and maybe, someone out there can glean some information for their child. This past weekend some pretty monumental occurrences happened in my daughter's life. The first huge hurtle was that she drove herself to and from school last week. Why do you say this is monumental? Well my daughter has NVLD and an anxiety issue in which she doesn't display much self confidence. Driving alone and to a place that she knows is Huge! I am so proud of her, this is a life skill she will need for the rest of her life. This skill is what is going to help her get to a job, and help us as a family. Big Hurtle! The second monumental hurtle was in school. In my daughter's high school in order to graduate they had to complete a capstone project. This project was given to them in Junior year. They had to pick a profession that they felt they would like to go into and pick a mentor. In picking this mentor, they had to log in time hours and at the end present to a panel of peers and teachers to pass and graduate. My daughter took this project head on, went and advocated for herself, found a mentor and proceeded do her project throughout the year. Yes, there were hiccups, don't get me wrong but they have finished the process and now they have to present. On Friday my daughter's Special Education teacher wrote me the most wonderful email I could have gotten. She asked my daughter to give her presentation to her guided learning class, as sort of a pre-presentation. She said that she was not nervous, was poised, confident, head held up and knew everything she presented. She presented for 10 minutes straight. She wrote that she was so proud of my daughter and that if I were there I would be just as proud. Cry, you betcha! For a child that had no confidence, very little self esteem, I knew that everything that she worked for throughout the years all paid off and will continue to be with her going forward in college. Don't get me wrong there will be setbacks, but I realize now that setbacks are all learning to get her where she needs to be. Of course the icing on the cake was that this weekend was the prom. Yes, she had a date, and it was lovely. She met her friends at another girls house and they had a great time. Another monumental hurtle, ADD and NVLD had difficulty with keeping friends. This was most rewarding seeing her have friends that she had a good time with. This took quite a bit of work and group therapy on her part, but it certainly paid off. I guess my advice today is patience, perserverence , love and hope, these are key to helping your child.

As my child goes from summer camp, school and now graduation, we come upon the most difficult time in a child's disability, the first job. Although my daughter has babysat in the neighborhood and made lots of money,the economy is such that those jobs are few and far between now, as more people are staying home. Plus I might add more children are looking for these types of jobs. At the lovely age of 17 my daughter has started looking for the "summer job". I tried to have her start early before the college students start to emerge! Actually she did very well, people were accepting her applications in March. She wanted to work in the restaurant environment, not exactly what I wanted. My ideal job for she and her disability was the local day camp which she had gone to for many years and my son attends. How convenient, she knows the lay of the land, very important for children with NVLD. Although she felt she would be bored, she did put an application in. I also complied with the restaurant environment. I know my daughter and I were toying with whether we tell people upfront about her disability and quite honestly I'm still up in the air about it. I wasn't quite sure how her first experience was going to be. Well she got a call to work at the restaurant as a bus girl. Okay, it's fast paced, and she can expend all her energy. Well on her first day, she was to trail the current bus girl. I get a telephone call to pick her up 3 hours after she got there. The manager did not feel she was a fit for busing. My worst fear has happened, my heart bled for this child. Her first job where she really wanted to excel. When she got home she and I talked. It seems that she asked too many questions, for the table numbers, unsure of how to cut bread, the manager felt she had too much energy and was asking too many questions. When my daughter picked up that the manager was getting irritated, she confessed and told her about her NVLD and told her " I ask a lot of questions and it takes me longer to learn" please be patient with me. So now we confessed to the disability. Was this wrong, I feel that she did the best thing, she tried to explain why she was asking questions. Yes, she was very disappointed, and hurt. Does she only get 3 hours to train and learn? We spoke for a long time and I asked her if she wanted to go back, she was unsure. The manager said she would call her the next day and maybe she could do to go orders. I told her that she should tell the manager that she would like another chance and see what happened. The manager was supposed to call her on a Friday, today is Monday and she finally called her to speak with her. I don't know what the outcome is but I know that my daughter is making the correct decision for herself. I could have called and inquired to the reasoning behind her leaving early, but this is my daughter's destiny, she has to pave her own way and really fight for what she wants. I never thought it would be so difficult for her. She has had a difficult time in school learning and now the world is posing the same obstacles. My greatest hope is that she can cope with the world and how much a stigma disabilities are.

Understanding and moving forward

If anyone is even reading my blogs, I want to apologize. I guess you are supposed to write on your blog daily or weekly, mine have been very sporatic due to my work, 2 children, 2 dogs and certainly, a husband, all of whoM require my time. I will try to write more often. Ahhhh now understanding what was happening to my daughter and moving forward. Relief always comes when you understand what has happened and why it happened, now you have to figure out how do I move forward. Okay, school is moving forward, everyone has your email address to tell you progress, but there comes the "Summer Months"!. What do I do, do I send my daughter to the day camp she despises or do I find someone else. Well first you would think, let's ask her therapist, bad idea, they don't have a clue because they are not that familiar with Nonverbal Learning disability. That's okay, it's not that common. Okay, the BEST source of information, the internet!!! Yes, this was my mission for the summer. To my greatest amazement, there are good camps that help these children and I actually found one. Of course there are great camps for this disability in the midwest, but I'm on the East coast. I found a great one only 1 1/2 hours from our home. It was a summer program in an Academy, actually it was Franklin Academy. We had to go for an interview, always a great thing! My daughter fell in love with the school!. Camp was only for 2 two week programs, but this was good, and it was a sleep away camp. Counselors on staff, a 24-7 therapist on staff and it teaches these children life skills. (Okay this is bringing tears to my eyes because for a few years I thought there was no hope!) I know if you have a child with a disability, you go through alot of feelings for your child, ie: fear, hate, anxiety, and total frustration. I am living proof there is hope out there! I found a camp that would actually teach my daughter life skills and help her, best of all she was with children just like herself so she didn't feel alone. I never realized how important this is to a child. The first part to healing and moving on is to understand what is going on, and knowing you are not alone. Parents, you are not alone and neither are our children. This camp helped change my daughter's life. She had friends, she liked camp, she liked living away from home! Wow! You know the saying "Seek and you shall find", yup it's all there we just have to search for it! Until next time, have faith, search for yourself and certainly, DON'T GIVE UP!

Child Advocates, I had no idea they existed. A child advocate is an essential part helping get your child all the assistance they require in the school system. I had no idea of this until my daughter had all her testing done. Knowing how difficult her journey/challenge would be going forward, this was the best recommendation the psychologist gave to me. She had many recommendations and explained to me that these people know all the laws in your state to help and give assistance to children with learning disabilities. This was the turning point in my daughter's life and if you take any piece of advice from me in any of my "ramblings" this is it. You finally have the law on your side, you find out how educated your teachers REALLY are. You will be very surprised. I found out that two people knew what Nonverbal learning disability was. All my daughters symptoms were so typical of this learning disability. One other very important piece of information came from this evaluation, 95% of children that have ADD/ADHD have some sort of learning disability. Wow, what an eye opener especially since I also found out that a good percentage of children that are adopted have ADD/ADHD. Most of the pregnancies are impulsive, a characteristic of ADD/ADHD, and all of us who have children with this disability know this. No thinking before they react!!!! Hmmm curious! Needless to say, the advocate which I hired, which I will say, was a godsend! She was sympathetic, sincere and knew my daughters rights. What a change in the PPT meeatings for my daughter. Once the school put a new program in place for my daughter we wanted someone to come in and evaluate it's effectiveness with my daughter. Well, another eye opener, it was not tailored to her. She made fabulous revisions, so much so for the last 3 years she has been on the honor roll. She has classes teaching her socialization skills. Who knew that socialization skills are such an essential part of our lives!!!! Important Pragmatic Language: this refers to the social language skills we use in our daily interations with others. They include what we say, how we say it, our body language and whether it is appropriate to the given situation. Pragmatic skills are vital for communicating our personal thoughts, ideas and feelings. Children, adolescents and adults with poor pragmatic skills often misinterpret other's communicative intent and have difficulty responding appropriately either verbally or non-verbally. Key to life!!!! How could we, as parents, not pick up on this. How could school misinterpret this? Well that summer they gave a course to all the psychologists in the school system to educate them. That's how important this is!!!! Until my next blog! There's always hope :)

Today I am going to continue on my blog about my children and their challenges with ADD and ADHD. Previously I was speaking about my daughter who was diagnosed with ADD. In middle school she was put on a drug called Concerta. They slowed her down to a point of being able to concentrate but she also has anxiety issues with the ADD. When her annual PPT came about (Parent Teacher conference to discuss her IEP(independent Educational program) it was very interesting that the school intern psychologist mentioned that she thought my daughter was very depressed. Depressed, she loved school, even though she had a challenging issue. She was even seeing a therapist, one of the recommendations from the psychologist that diagnosed her. After this meeting nothing was ever done. She did have "unusual" issues, for example, she had such difficulty working with her lock on her locker. She kept getting the turns and numbers wrong, to an extent the teachers changed her locker near one of their's so they could help her. She had quite a bit of issues in Math, problems that required comprehension were always challenging, but again the teachers got her through it, this is what I thought they were doing. In her final year of middle school, 8th grade, different issues manifested, she began making up stories, big issues with other girls, they wouldn't want to play with her. She was seeing the school psychologist, but she would just tell my daughter to work with it. The friendship issue became more pronounced to an extent that when someone asked her for lunch money she helped, and thought these kids were her friends, after numerous times of asking for money, she began to take money from me and not eat lunch. Now this became bribery with the kids to my daughter. The breaking point was at the end of the school year she stole $40 from my wallet, I noticed this while she was in school. I called the school and asked them to hold her at the guidance office. When we confronted her she told us that boys told her not to come to school unless she gave them money. She was so afraid she stole from us. We went to the principal of the school and he got the boys and confronted them, but because no one saw my daughter give them the money he let them go without any punishment. This was very upsetting to my husband and I. The therapist would talk to my daughter about it but she never divulged any information. Finally in 9th grade everything exploded! She was on such a stressful overload she threatened to hurt herself in the school. We were devastated. This brought us to our current Psychiatrist, who is the best thing that has happened to my daughter. He sent herto a group of neuro psychologists that gave her a battery of tests. She was on huge amounts of antidepressants, (by the way, this medication makes them gain a large amount of weight). She gained 30 pounds in 6 weeks. This was not my daughter. After the testing she was diagnosed with NonVerbal Learning Disability. I had no clue what this was, but what I did find out is that 98% of the time a learning disability accommpanies ADD/ADHD. What an eye opener!!!! Now my recommendation to everyone, have your child tested between the ages of 9-12 if they have ADD/ADHD. This psychologist gave me information that was INVALUABLE!!!! She told me to hire an advocate for my child whenever I deal with the school system. She saw documents that the school had testing information that suggested an issue and they never brought it to my attention. That depression she had, THAT'S A HUGE CLUE!! What did I know I've never had to deal with this. So we hired an advocate to help us get the assistance my child needed. My battles had just begun!!! To be continued....

My first blog on My children's Challenge and disabilities

Welcome to my first attempt to blog about the "Trials and Tribulations" of a Mom with two ADD/ADHD children. I thought long and hard about creating this blog. But with the encouragement of my "ADHD Coach" yes, there are coaches for Moms with children that have this disorder, and my husband, I have decided to try and give Mom's that are struggling and looking for answers some of my experiences that have helped my children. Hopefully, just one person can take some of my experiences and have some success or at least feel like you've accomplished something. So, I have two children, yes, they are adopted. When I adopted them, no one ever mentioned that the possibility they would have ADD/ADHD could be very high. Actually 17 years ago, what did everyone really know about this disorder? Probably not much. Hey alot of people still don't know much about this disability. I knew NOTHING!!! Actually when my daughter went to school she was a very precocious 5 year old that loved school. The picture that the Kindergarten Teacher gave me was not the child I had at home AT ALL. Well she was young, and could outgrow it. In 1st grade I had numerous calls from the Teacher about how my daughter could not sit still. Okay, maybe she's bored, how do you tell that to a Teacher??? Okay, well after the conference and the picture she painted me we were off to the pediatrician. Right, this is what my Mother would have done? I thought this was the first place to go, well after a physical, she told me my daughter was fine. Okay so I told this to the teacher and that was like the wrong thing to say, but what came out of this was that she thought my daughter had signs of ADD. ADD is hyperactivity, impulsive actions and difficulty maintaining concentration. I was 45 years old, a college graduate and NEVER heard of this before. Okay, back to the pediatrician, and her saying she did not think so. Okay, how do I proceed? Remember this is 2002, there were not tried and true tests. No we perservered through 1st grade. In second grade I had to send my daughter to Sylvan Learning for 2 months to re-learn math, does that give you a clue. In 5th grade we finally diagnosed my daughter through a licensed psychologist through Yale New Haven Hospital. She was put on a drug called concerta, which she still takes to this day. But the most important thing I try to stress to parents, the part of the evaluation which was priceless was the comment the psychologist made. Although ADD is the diagnosis, as your child gets to 9-12 have them re-tested as learning disabilities are associated with this disorder. Disabilities???? This is where I will leave off for today!.... Stay tuned for my next blog on Disabilities associated with this.